Waking Up and Growing Up: Two Wings of the Same Bird

Many people who are interested in meditation and spirituality tend to focus on waking up—recognising awareness, presence or the deeper nature of who we are beyond thoughts, emotions and stories of ourselves.

At the same time, there is another movement that is just as important but sometimes overlooked: growing up. This refers to psychological growth—the gradual work of understanding our emotions, healing relational patterns, learning to regulate the nervous system, developing healthy boundaries and processing subconscious shadow material.

A helpful way of understanding their relationship is to see waking up and growing up as two wings of the same bird. Both wings are needed for a steady, balanced flight.

Waking Up

Waking up refers to the direct experience of our true nature and identity as awareness itself. We develop the capacity to notice thoughts, emotions and sensations without being completely identified with them. Through meditation and contemplative practice, people discover a sense of spaciousness that is already present, even in the midst of daily life.

Alongside this spaciousness, there is often a natural emergence of compassion, especially if the energy of awakening moves through the heart area. As identification with the mind softens, experiences are no longer taken so personally. This tends to make room for a natural kindness towards others and oneself.

Many people also notice a quiet radiance or aliveness within the body. This isn’t a constant high or blissed-out state (although these can pass through) or a complete absence of pain. It’s just a quiet feeling that arises without any external cause.

From this can arise a gentle sense of joy and contentment—not the excitement of getting what we want, but a steadier appreciation of being here at all. Life is seen as an ineffable mystery. Even difficult experiences can be held within a wider field that is warm, curious and vibrant.

Waking up also alleviates the core underlying sense of existential suffering that afflicts most people. We no longer view ourselves as a separate, isolated self. This direct recognition is seen as the jewel beyond all price.

Growing Up

Growing up involves a different kind of work. It is the slow, relational and sometimes humbling process of psychological development.

This includes learning to feel emotions without being overwhelmed or shutting down, understanding how childhood experiences shape present reactions, developing self-compassion and learning how to navigate closeness, conflict and boundaries with greater skill.

Growing up tends to unfold gradually over time—through relationships, reflection and often with support.

Without this wing, spiritual insight may remain disconnected from how we actually live and relate. Or perhaps even more troubling for those interested in spiritual awakening: unprocessed shadow material can prevent awakening from naturally unfolding.

When One Wing Tries to Do All the Work

Difficulties often arise when one wing is expected to do the work of both.

Spiritual insight does not automatically heal attachment wounds or re-pattern the nervous system. Someone can have a profound awakening, yet still find themselves reactive in relationships, flooded under stress or hurting others.

This is not a failure of awakening. It simply points to the need for psychological maturation alongside spiritual insight.

At the same time, psychological work without any sense of spacious awareness can become heavy or overly self-focused. It can actually serve to re-inforce the sense of self, whereas the spiritual journey is about gently seeing through it. The broader perspective that comes with waking up often makes emotional work easier to do and less overwhelming.

Roots and Branches of the Tree

Another way of describing this integration is through the idea of roots and branches.

Psychological work develops the roots—grounding us in the body, stabilising the nervous system and giving us the capacity to stay present with difficult experiences. Spiritual awakening opens the branches towards the sun—bringing perspective, meaning and a sense of connection beyond the personal self.

Without roots, the tree becomes unstable. Without branches, it never reaches light. Healthy growth requires both.

The Body Brings It Together

The body is where these two wings learn to move together.

Unresolved emotional patterns are often held somatically. When meditation includes sensitivity to physical sensations and feelings within the body, awareness becomes something that includes our humanity rather than bypassing it.

An Integrated Path

A stable path includes both meditation and psychological work. Therapy that understands meditation and spiritual practice—while also attending carefully to emotions, the body and relationships—can help these two wings coordinate.

In this way, spirituality is not used to bypass our humanity and psychological work is not stripped of depth or meaning. Both serve the same movement: towards a life that is more present, joyful and compassionate.