Anxiety is not the Enemy

If you live with anxiety it might feel like there’s something wrong with you, like your mind or body are malfunctioning. Many people arrive at therapy and say they just wish they could get rid of anxiety.

But anxiety isn’t a defect, it’s a safety system.

Anxiety exists for one reason: to keep you safe. It evolved to help people survive danger by preparing the body for action — increasing alertness, tightening muscles, speeding up the heart, scanning for threat. In dangerous situations, this response can help to save your life.

You can be sure that our ancient ancestors had anxiety. It helped them live long enough to pass on their genes. Those cavemen and women who were blissfully free of anxiety were likely the first to be lunch for a hungry tiger.

The problem is that anxiety can show up too often, too intensely or in situations that aren’t dangerous.

When anxiety is viewed as an enemy, people often respond by fighting against it. This can look like pushing it away, trying to control thoughts, demanding calm or judging themselves. This struggle tells the nervous system that something really is wrong, which can actually increase anxiety.

A more helpful approach begins with a shift in perspective. When anxiety shows up, turn towards it with an attitude of acceptance and say:

Okay, this is just my nervous system trying to keep me safe.

That doesn’t mean anxiety is always accurate. It can exaggerate danger and underestimate your ability to cope. But treating anxiety as a well-meaning (if somewhat clumsy) protector reduces the inner conflict that keeps symptoms going.

Many modern therapies, such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), are built on this understanding. Instead of asking ‘How do I make this stop?’, the question becomes:

‘Can I allow this feeling and still take action even while anxiety is present?’

Paradoxically, when anxiety no longer needs to shout to be heard, it often softens on its own. Imagine it like a child who wants to heard instead of ignored.

You don’t need to like anxiety. You don’t need to agree with it. But you can choose your relationship with anxiety. Choose to stop treating it as an enemy and instead make some space for it —that can change your experience dramatically.

If you’re interested in overcoming the struggle with anxiety, I offer a 4-session structured program. Details are here.